When the Chicken Met the Frier
Part Uno: A Wegular Walk It was a normal day. :Chicken was walking across the street when he smelt a peculiar smell. ::"What's that smell?", Chicken asked. :::A bird swooped down and said, "You do not know that smell?" ::::"No I do not. What is it?", Chicken asked. :::::"One of the most delicious meals to grace the city", the bird said. ::::::"Green eggs and ham?", Chicken asked. :::::::"Nope, fried chicken." Part Dos: The Horrible Truth Chicken was dumbfounded. :"Are you okay?", the bird asked. ::Chicken said nothing. :::"Are you even alive?", the bird asked. ::::Chicken remained silent. :::::"Well, I'd better go before someone thinks I'' killed you", the bird said. ::::::"Wait, come back", Chicken said. :::::::The bird stopped in his tracks and turned around. "Yes?" ::::::::"I need you to tell me more about this... fried chicken." Part Tres: The Bird Spills the Beans! Chicken wanted to know more of this so-called fried chicken. :"Why? Why do they take chickens like I and fry them?", Chicken asked. ::"Well, believe it or not Random Chicken, you are tastier than you think", the bird said. :::"What? That is ludicrous! ", Chicken yelled. "I..." :::The bird twists Chicken's head so that Chicken's tongue is touching his leg. ::::"What --? Mother have mercy, I am delicious!", Chicken came to realizing. :::::"Yes. Now just imagining that being deep-fried and SMOTHERED in grease and gravy!", the bird shouted. ::::::Chicken started drooling. :::::::"Yes, it is quite delectable! If only so many chicken weren't slaughtered so bloodily for these tasty morsels", the bird said. ::::::::Chicken stopped drooling. Part Cuatro: A New-found Cause Chicken was dumbfounded yet again. :"They are... slaughtered?", Chicken asked. ::"Yep. Cut off the head and the legs. Blood and guts everywhere", the bird said. ::"How can people eat that and not be disgusted?!", Chicken asked. :::"Well, the deliciousness of fried chicken clears away the guilt in their mind", the bird said. ::::"Random Bird, I've found the calling in my life! I will protest fried chicken!", Chicken declared. :::::"What?! Man, you crazy! Protestin' fried chicken?! People gonna shoot ya down in the streets!", the bird warned. ::::::"Well, many people die for their beliefs but it keeps goin'!", Chicken pointed out. :::::::"And who gonna keep yo belief goin'?", the bird asked. ::::::::"You of course", Chicken said. :::::::::"No. Sorry, ''chere. I like me some fried chicken. Good luck on yer own, though", the bird said. ::::::::::"Okay, but if them poachers don't get me, yo breath done did kill me to death", Chicken said, coughing. Chapter Cinco: Chicken Protests! Chicken stood in the middle of the street with a picket fence. :"Yo, everybody! Stop killin' the chickens! Don' fry 'em! How would you like if chickens ate Fried Human?", Chicken protested. ::A car comes rushing at Chicken! :::Chicken hastily dodges death by a mere inch and shouts, "What's wrong with you, boy?! I'm just helpin' for a good cause!" ::::The bird swooped down and walks up to Chicken. :::::"How's yer protest going?", the bird asked. ::::::"Well for starters I almost got hit by a car", Chicken explained. :::::::"I see. Well here's a pointer - stand in the sidewalk and not in the middle of the street like a dang fool", the bird advised. ::::::::"Huh. I guess that could've worked", Chicken said and walked over to the sidewalk. :::::::::After giving Chicken that piece of advise, the bird flew into the air once again. Chapter Sais: Chicken Noodle Soup (with a soda on the side) As Chicken was protesting, a random driver threw his hand out the car window and picked Chicken up by the beak. :"Yo, boy! What cha doin'!?", Chicken squawked. ::But since Chicken was a chicken and no human can understand chickens, the poor poultry was doomed. :::The driver took Chicken to his house and walked in. ::::"Hey, this is a nice crib. I wouldn't mind stayin' here a day or too", Chicken sighed. :::::The masked driver opened a giant pot, which held a bunch of hot, boiling water. ::::::"Go into the pot, little chickie!", the driver said and tried to edge Chicken into the pot. :::::::"Yo, chere! I don't want-ta be no fool's lunch! I got a wife and two eggs!", Chicken pleaded. ::::::::The poor chicken tried to squirm out of it, but none prevailed. It seemed Chicken was to die an early death. :::::::::The driver dropped Chicken in the pot and put a lid over it. ::::::::::Chicken banged and scratched from the inside of the pot. :::::::::::The driver put the temperature of the fire higher... and the noise stopped. Chapter Siete: A Narrow Escape The bird was flying over the driver's house when he heard Chicken's scream. :"Hey, that sounds like Random Chicken is in trouble!", the bird realized. ::The bird swooped down into the driver's house and Chicken being forced into the pot. :::"Don't make me light my BUTT! Oh wait, that's for the firefly", the bird muttered. ::::Chicken was stuffed into the pot. :::::"Huh? Oh no, chere! I gotta stop dat cook!", the bird said. ::::::Just as the driver was raising the temperature, the bird came and peeked at the driver's neck! :::::::"What the --?! Let go of me, you danged boyd!", the driver yelled. ::::::::The driver grabbed a a bat, planning to bash the bird, who sat on his head. :::::::::The bird jumped off the driver's head, and the driver hit himself on the head with the bat (by mistake of course). ::::::::::The bird pulled the lid off the pot, grabbed Chicken with his beak, and flew away with him. Chapter Ocho: Chicken Meets the Frier "Why thank you for saving me, Bird. If you had not saved me, I would've been chicken noodle soup", Chicken thanked. :"'Tain't no problem! Always glad to help a friend in need", the Bird replied. ::Just then, the Bird spotted a beautiful Lady Bird. The Bird hung open his mouth at the sight, thus dropping Chicken to his doom below. :::Chicken crashed through the ceiling of some random restaurant and landed on the ground as debris flew everywhere! ::::Just then, the Chef marched into the room and saw Chicken on the floor. "Hey there, little guy", the Chef greeted. :::::Chicken waved back. :::::::"This guy is pretty nice. He seems more kind than that other guy", Chicken thought, glad he was in good hands. ::::::::The Chef opened a door and led Chicken into a dark room and lay him down on a table. :::::::::"Say, what's he doing? It's like he's gonna change my diaper but I don't have one", Chicken thought. ::::::::::The Chef pulled out a butcher knife and sharpened it, about to cut Chicken! :::::::::::"Wait a second! This guy's not gonna take care of me. He's gonna KILL me!", Chicken panicked! Chapter Nueve: Chicken vs. The Chef! The Chef raised the knife and swung down to slice Chicken! :Chicken jumped up, dodging the swing! ::"Hey! You're a feisty little guy, ain't 'cha? No matter. In the end, the Frier always gets his man!", the Chef said, swinging at Chicken once more! :::Chicken jumped in the air, evading the attack, and kicked the Chef in the face! ::::"Augh! Why you pesky ---!", the Chef yowled in pain. :::::Chicken dropped on the floor and ran out the room! ::::::"I've gotta get out of here!", Chicken yelled. :::::::"Not so fast, poulet!", the Chef yelled and swung ferciously at Chicken who scurried on the ground! ::::::::Chicken ducked as the knife sliced a few of Chicken's feathers off! :::::::::"I oughta be glad those were my feathers and not my head!", Chicken thought and ran off once again! ::::::::::"Auggh!", the Chef shouted and dived on the ground to catch Chicken! :::::::::::Chicken slid on the waxed floor, missing the Chef by a mere inch, and slid underneath a table! ::::::::::::The Chef went under the table, and caught Chicken by the tail! :::::::::::::"Ha ha!", the Chef laughed. He raised his head, only to bonk his head on the bottom of the table! ::::::::::::::"Yow!", the Chef screeched, loosening his grip on Chicken, allowing the creature to wiggle free and escape! :::::::::::::::"Nooooo!", the Chef groaned. "Yesss!", Chicken cheered as he walked into some random room and shut the door. Chapter Diez: The Moment-o of Truth! Chicken shut the door and the lights automatically turned on. :"Hey look at that! The fancy technology they've got nowadays. Really...", Chicken started. ::Chicken looked at something so heinous. :::So nefarious... ::::So mind-numbingly HORRIBLE... :::::...pre-cooked chickens! ::::::Dun-dun-duuuuuuuuuuuuun! :::::::Chicken stood in fear as he looked at all the cut and killed chickens that rested on conveyor belts and whatnot. ::::::::"What... No... How could this be?!", Chicken cried, "How can the world have done such a thing to my kind!" :::::::::Chicken took one last look and turned around. "If I get out of here alive, I swear I will ---", Chicken started and was cut off again. ::::::::::The Chef stood over him, foaming from the mouth with revenge! "You stupid chicken! You're goin' straight to the frier!", he threatened! :::::::::::The Chef grabbed Chicken by the beak and dragged him over to... ::::::::::::...the frier! :::::::::::::Once again: dun-dun-duuuuuuun! ::::::::::::::The Chef dipped Chicken's foot in the Frier. Chicken wanted to scream in pain, but he couldn't because... well, the Chef was clutching him by the beak. :::::::::::::::The Chef continued to lower the rest of Chicken's body in the Frier. Chicken wailed in pain (in his mind of course, since his beak was... well, you know) as his lower half was fried! ::::::::::::::::"Mwah ha ha ha! Bwah ha ha ha!", the Chef laughed, maniacally, watching Chicken suffer. :::::::::::::::::Chicken could not take it anymore. He just couldn't. Then he did something no other Chicken would do (considering they'd be dead if they were about to be fried, like Chicken was about to be). ::::::::::::::::::Chicken opened his beak, overpowering the Chef's strong hold! :::::::::::::::::::"What the ---?!", the Chef shouted! ::::::::::::::::::::Chicken dropped on the edge of the Frier, thus catapulting it into the air and into the Chef's eyes! :::::::::::::::::::::"Aaaaagh!", the Chef yelled and fell back! ::::::::::::::::::::::Chicken jumped into the air and landed on a control panel. There, he pushed some buttons and encaged live chicken were set free! :::::::::::::::::::::::"Come forward, my brethren, if you want to live!", Chicken shouted. The rest of the chickens let out a chant and followed Chicken out of the restaurant! Chapter Once: Showdown of the Chickens and the Meat-Eaters! Chicken and the chickens ran out the door of the restaurant, thinking they were free. :Not free, as in you did not have to pay for them, but free as in they had freedom. ::But if you read the title of this chapter, you'd know they were not free. :::They were not free, for they lived in the world of the enemy! ::::But that's not in the title. :::::What was in the title is the showdown between the Chickens and the Meat-Eaters! ::::::And therefore, that is what you shall read. :::::::Plop down on a chair, grab a tub of popcorn, and enjoy reading this climactic clash. ::::::::(Numbers on screen show) 3... 2... 1... 0! Chicken and the chickens ran out the door of the restaurant, thinking they were free, but they weren't! :In front of them were a bunch of carniverous meat-loving humans, who were licking their chops! ::"Look at thems tasty chickens! Oh, I'm eatin' good tonight!", one of the guys shouted. :::"As are we!", the rest of them agreed as they pulled out forks and knifes!... knives... whatever. ::::Chicken and the chickens backed up against the wall in fear as the predators closed in! :::::Was this the end of Chicken and the chickens?! ::::::Yes. Yes, it was. :::::::Nah, I'm just messin' with ya. It wasn't. ::::::::Just as it seemed Chicken and the chickens were to die a painful death, a group of vegetarians arrived on the scene! :::::::::"What are you doing?", one lady asked. ::::::::::"Erm... about to kill some chickens", some guy answered. :::::::::::"Have you no heart? These are innocent creatures too", the lady said. ::::::::::::"Innocent? That's a rotten lie!", the Chef yelled, emerging from the restaurant with multiple bruises. :::::::::::::"What happened to you?", the lady asked. ::::::::::::::"I got beat up... by a chicken... Oh...", the Chef fainted. :::::::::::::::"Oh... kay...", the lady said. ::::::::::::::::"Never mind him. Step aside so we can munch down, ya animal-lovers!", some guy ordered. :::::::::::::::::"NO!", the vegetarians refused. ::::::::::::::::::"Hey, why do you call yourselves vegetarians anyway? You can eat other non-vegetable stuff, like Mac 'n Cheese", the guy pointed out. :::::::::::::::::::"Oh yeah? Why do you call yourselves meat-eaters if you don't eat only eat meat?", the lady asked. ::::::::::::::::::::"Actually, we never call ourselves 'meat-eaters.' We're open to all types of food. It's called omnivorism", some guy said. :::::::::::::::::::::"Oh yeah? Well... erm... just be quiet!", the lady yelled, with nothing to comeback. ::::::::::::::::::::::Just then, a group of police officers showed up on the scene and stepped out of their police cars. :::::::::::::::::::::::"Alright! What's the big idea?", an officer asked. ::::::::::::::::::::::::"We want to eat some chickens, but these vegetarians won't let us!", a guy complained. Get it? "Vegetarians won't lettuce"? It's a classic! :::::::::::::::::::::::::"Erm... what chickens?", the officer asked. ::::::::::::::::::::::::::The vegetarians and meat-eaters looked where Chicken and the chickens were supposed to be. :::::::::::::::::::::::::::They were gone, completely vanished. Chapter Doce: Chicken and Chickens' Escape! Bet you're wondering how Chicken and the chickens escaped, eh? Well it was a pretty complicated procedure. That required stealth and timing. :It all started when the vegetarians showed up on the scene... ::The bird and the female bird, flying high in the sky, chatting and whatnot, noticed the crowd behind them. :::"What's going on down there?", the female bird asked. ::::"I dunno. Looks like some big get-together", the bird replied. :::::"Let's go see what it's about!", the female bird suggested. ::::::"Now, the female bird, we can't just swoop down unattended. That's called party crashing. You remember, the party crash at the state dinner?", the bird reminded. :::::::"Oh, yeah! That was on CNN!", the female bird remembered. ::::::::"Well, if we just went and swooped down there, without being invited, and just went around drinkin' soda and eatin' the cocktails like we was some MVPs, that wouldn't be fair to the people who worked hard to get invited, and thus, we would be like them party crashers you saw on CNN", the bird explained. :::::::::"But, the bird, I haven't been to a good party in days, and that shenanigan down there looks like it's really somethin'!", the female bird groaned. ::::::::::"N-now, sweetheart, we just talked about this. We CANNOT go down there. If we go down there, uninvited, it will unfair to the people who had to endure tedious training in order to be allowed into such a high-class --", the bird started. :::::::::::"Whoa! I see CHEESE!" , the female bird yelled. ::::::::::::"Cheese?! Cheese FTW! I love cheese!", the bird cheered. :::::::::::::The birds swooped down, however, they ended up realizing it was not a party, but just a group of random people. ::::::::::::::"Darn, this ain't no party!", the female bird groaned. :::::::::::::::"Hey, wait... Is that...? Hey, it's Chicken! Ay dere, Chicken!", the bird greeted. ::::::::::::::::Chicken looked up and saw the bird and the female bird. :::::::::::::::::"Hey, it's you, bird! Haven't seen you since you dropped me dozens of feet down, in favor of... er... (grumpy voice) that girl bird over there", Chicken groaned. ::::::::::::::::::"Hi!", the female bird said mindlessly. :::::::::::::::::::"Heh. Sorry about that. So what's all this, then?", the bird inquired. ::::::::::::::::::::"Oh, me and a few friends of mine are the subject of debate for some vegetarians and meat-eaters here", Chicken explained. :::::::::::::::::::::"I see. I suppose we'd best go now if it's that important", the bird said. ::::::::::::::::::::::"Oh no, it's really nothing. Heck, we'd like to leave right now if we could", Chicken replied. :::::::::::::::::::::::"Really? Shucks, chere. I wish there was somethin' I could do to help", the bird counter-replied. ::::::::::::::::::::::::"Maybe there ain't nothin' for you to do since you're a lonely fool, but I know people!", the female bird insulted, proudly. :::::::::::::::::::::::::"A lonely fool? Ay, who you think you're --", the bird started. ::::::::::::::::::::::::::"Shut it. I gotta call in... O_o ... the Bird Brigade!", the female bird said in a deep, crackling voice. :::::::::::::::::::::::::::The female bird whistled. ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::Suddenly, a whole fleet of birds started to descend from the sky! :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::"Holy Mother of Mary...", the bird gaped. ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::"Now THAT'S what I call... erm... something that I called. Yeah...", Chicken said. :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::The birds showed up on the scene. ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::"What do you want us for, Admiral The Female Bird?", the commanding bird asked. :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::"We need to take these poor souls away. And FAST!", the female bird ordered. ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::"Okay. Hop on our backs, chickens!", the commanding bird ordered. :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::Police sirens were heard. ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::"And you'd best do it quick! The fuzz are on the way!", a second bird advised. :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::The chickens got on the birds' backs. Chicken got on the bird's back. ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::No one was on the female bird's back. :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::"Alright, birds and chickens! Let's get out of here!", the female bird ordered. ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::And with that, the birds and the chickens flew off into the distance. :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::Meanwhile, the police were conversing with the vegetarians/meat-eaters. ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::"What chickens?", the police officer asked. :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::The group turned around, and sure 'nuff the chickens were gone. ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::So yeah, now that that's explained, let's go onto the next chapter, shall we? Chapter Trece: A Place to Stay Category:Random Works! Category:Short Stories Category:Stories Category:Fried Chicken Category:Random stories